This may be my last posting for a while. It’s been fun, and definitely worthwhile, but all good things must come to an end.
Over the last year, I’ve figured out a lot of things about myself. I’m sure it doesn’t compare to all the stuff I still have yet to learn. But, in the grand scheme of things, how much of it really matters?
In the end, I am still a convicted felon. I have no true work history for two years now. I have no driver’s license (for over 2.5 years). The work I do is not nearly enough, and it’s not moving forward, as one would’ve expected. My “friends” are very few and very far between. And I live almost completely off the grid.
In other words, I basically take up very little space, but also provide very little to the Earth.
I am so sorry that I have not been the person that my parents knew I could’ve been. I am so sorry that I have not been any kind of real inspiration to all the children in my life, except for how not to be.
I saw a TV commercial the other day that stated, “Depression Hurts!” Well, yeah, it does. I can’t even explain it. I thought it was because I just turned 40, but it actually goes way deeper that that. Time does catch up with you. People who say they are friends really use you for water cooler fodder with others, making life very lonely at times. As usual, there is no need for me to mention names, even though those people mention my name often. I am better than that!
So, being of sound mind and body, I hereby bequeath all of my earthly possessions, which equates to nothing at this current time, but love, to the following:
To my parents, I thank you for never giving up on me and for providing me with all the love two parents could provide. I love you more than you will ever know and I offer my sincerest apologies that I did not make your lives easier, and less worrisome.
To my good friends, CT, GC, DK, DB, both BMs, and any others I may have forgotten, thank you for always being there for me, even if I wasn’t always there for you. You are my true compadres, and I will always be appreciative of the blessings you have bestowed upon me.
To the loves of my life, CN, CC, TA, KR, & all the MMs, and any others I may have forgotten, thank you for loving me, despite my faults and I’m sorry I was never the man you needed.
To all my cherubs, Mike, your beautiful wife, Lisa, as well as your three beautiful children, Jameson, Aliyah, and Alicia, Justin, Holli (and your wonderful fiance, Dan), Aaron (and your beautiful wife Kristin), Jake (and your beautiful wife, Michelle, as well as Caiden, your awesome son), Matthew, Benny, Nico, Lexi, and of course, Jamie, Bella, Declan,………I LOVE YOU ALL! You are the true fruit of the Earth! May God bless you and shine upon you in everything you do! You have made life worth living!
To all the people who have expressed love to me, and actually befriended me, thank you for accompanying me on my journey. You know who you are! And, your efforts have not gone unnoticed, regardless of whether or not I was able to mention you here. Lala, AvA, etc.
To my WordPress friends, i.e Bossy, etc. thank you for listening and commenting on my incessant ramblings. You have been instrumental in my healing. And I’m sorry I didn’t provide more of a something or other.
And, finally, to all those who perpetrated the fraud, acting like you cared, using those for what you could get, and basically being a self-serving front, screw you! You’ll get what you deserve and I really won’t have a problem watching you getting your comeuppances! Although, I do hope you learn what love is really about and that it finds you! (And if you don’t know who you are, you will most likely remember this when it happens.)
Truly, I wish all of you the best! I hold no ill will (I just enjoy watching Karma do its thing!) and I want all to succeed to their personal definition, but it is up to you to handle your lives. Do YOU! Be you! And don’t succumb to life’s little pressures.
Disclaimer: I am not suicidal! Depressed, yes. Suicidal, no. This is just the beginning of my sabbatical from blogging. Maybe I return, maybe not. Who knows? It is time to go back to what I do best. My vow of poverty has lasted twice as long as I originally envisioned. My vow of sobriety made it longer than one could have expected. Now, I know that I can handle anything for a year, or more. But, I do believe it’s about that time to return to talking people out of their money, just with a new caveat. I know that I can do that while providing them with something of value, so back to the grind and back to actually earning an income.
After all, it seems like it’s a good time to quit living across the air waves and actually living in the “real” world again, with all that entails. I am 40 now, and although I’m sure there’s a video game for it somewhere, raising a family of my own, in reality, will be easier if I prepare, using interpersonal relationships, money, and some sense of stability. Maybe a good dose of psychotherapy, too.
I’ve had enough! Whatever happens today, I welcome it! DNA upgrade, polar reversal, all out apocalypse, whatever. I feel confident that I am a good, decent human being and that I will end up on the plus side of whatever. And I wish the same for all others who care about their human family!
PEACE & LOVE TO YOU ALL! 108!!!